So why is it called “From Wishing to Believing” you ask?!

Because so often as desperate sensory parents, we put all our faith and hope into allllllllllll the things people suggest and we hope something will work. Well, I want to encourage us all to stop wishing for something to work, and start believing that with a plan (and support) we can take charge of our kiddos’ outcomes.

I have spent years deep in the dark depths of all of my son’s diagnoses: ASD, SPD, ADHD, Anxiety Disorder and Depression. I have filled out all the questionnaires, checklists, and interview questions. I have run around to all the doctors, specialists, and therapies. I have joined all the parent FB and support groups. I have bought all the fidgets, supplements, and tools.

And yet I was still struggling. He was still struggling.

I mean STRU-GU-LING!!!!!

I understood that all these things would take time to show a positive effect, and I also understood that this was a long game. But when you’re in the thick of it and feel like you can’t breathe some days, you need something now. You need to feel like YOU have control and aren’t just at the whim of all these other life rafts to save you and your child.

I also understand that the last thing we parents need is another thing to feel guilty, inadequate, or like a failure about.

So in this blog you won’t hear what you “should” be doing, buying, or believing (other than believing that there is hope and answers). You won’t be judged for what you’re doing or not doing.

My hope is to share my failures and successes (with a little rawness, potty mouth, and feistiness) so that:

You know you’re not alone
You might find something that helps you/your child
You have one part of your day where you smile or laugh
You feel seen and heard in a way you don’t get elsewhere

So check back here on those days when you need a specific sensory tip for your kid, like: tying their shoes, eating more foods, or cleaning their room. ….or just need to zone out on something other than your overwhelming day.

Hugs to you, fellow sensory parent!!

*Some posts may contain affiliate links to share products we use and love!

Why I Didn't "Just Cut Off" My SPD Kiddo's Hair

Aug 21, 2024 03:32 PM Central
Michelle Makowski
hair brushing, life skills, neurodivergent
0 Comments

Why I Didn't "Just Cut Off" My SPD Kiddo's Hair

“Just cut it off!”

“Shave it!”

“If they’re not going to take care of it, they can’t have the hair they want”

I’ve heard this for years about my own son’s hair, as well as read dozens of other SPD parents advising it to those asking for help on this topic.

But here’s why I didn’t cut my son’s hair (and don’t think this should be a response to any parent).

Autonomy

Our SPD kiddos deserve their own autonomy just as any child does. So often with our children’s sensitivities to socks, tags, jeans, etc, they don’t get many chances to have their own style and ability to look a certain way. These kiddos are usually subject to wearing whatever single piece of clothing that doesn’t make their skin crawl, they don’t get to choose color, style, etc. So, if they want to show their self-expression through a certain hairstyle, I say let them!

Trauma Causing

Our SPD kids already struggle with fear, anxiety, and trust in their uncertain environments. So I don’t want to be someone that causes more of that unintentionally by “forcing” them to do something that scares them or makes them uncomfortable. And, for most of our kiddos, getting a haircut is already fear-inducing. A haircut in general can be a nightmare for sensory families, who work so hard to build up to a positive haircutting experience. I wouldn't want to un-do any progress we've made in that area, and/or create a new negative association with a haircut.

One benefit doesn’t outweigh the detriments

I’ve heard many parents say “well, if washing/brushing their hair is such a struggle for everyone involved, then just take care of that problem by cutting it all off!”. Although I understand the idea behind this “problem-solving”, in the long run I don’t think it makes sense. Sure, if brushing your child’s hair every day is a nightmare for both parent and child, it might seem like the easy solution is to take away that problem. However, as mentioned above, doing that can cause more fear and trauma that in the long run will create more problems for us and our kids. The immediate convenience is not worth the long term problems that will arise from it.

Better Solutions

Yes, dealing with the myriad of our SPD kiddos issues is tough, and it is smart to take away barriers when we can. But instead of taking away their chance at self-identity, we can find a way to tackle that barrier in a way that works for everyone (just like we do with their other sensory issues). There are tools and strategies for making hair brushing easier (see my previous blog here), strategies to help with hair washing, and the other option…it’s okay to not have their hair look perfectly “tamed” all the time.

We can preserve their trust, autonomy, and find a happy medium when employing a little extra thought and time to help meet them where they are.

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