Why I Didn't "Just Cut Off" My SPD Kiddo's Hair
“Just cut it off!”
“Shave it!”
“If they’re not going to take care of it, they can’t have the hair they want”
I’ve heard this for years about my own son’s hair, as well as read dozens of other SPD parents advising it to those asking for help on this topic.
But here’s why I didn’t cut my son’s hair (and don’t think this should be a response to any parent).
Autonomy
Our SPD kiddos deserve their own autonomy just as any child does. So often with our children’s sensitivities to socks, tags, jeans, etc, they don’t get many chances to have their own style and ability to look a certain way. These kiddos are usually subject to wearing whatever single piece of clothing that doesn’t make their skin crawl, they don’t get to choose color, style, etc. So, if they want to show their self-expression through a certain hairstyle, I say let them!
Trauma Causing
Our SPD kids already struggle with fear, anxiety, and trust in their uncertain environments. So I don’t want to be someone that causes more of that unintentionally by “forcing” them to do something that scares them or makes them uncomfortable. And, for most of our kiddos, getting a haircut is already fear-inducing. A haircut in general can be a nightmare for sensory families, who work so hard to build up to a positive haircutting experience. I wouldn't want to un-do any progress we've made in that area, and/or create a new negative association with a haircut.
One benefit doesn’t outweigh the detriments
I’ve heard many parents say “well, if washing/brushing their hair is such a struggle for everyone involved, then just take care of that problem by cutting it all off!”. Although I understand the idea behind this “problem-solving”, in the long run I don’t think it makes sense. Sure, if brushing your child’s hair every day is a nightmare for both parent and child, it might seem like the easy solution is to take away that problem. However, as mentioned above, doing that can cause more fear and trauma that in the long run will create more problems for us and our kids. The immediate convenience is not worth the long term problems that will arise from it.
Better Solutions
Yes, dealing with the myriad of our SPD kiddos issues is tough, and it is smart to take away barriers when we can. But instead of taking away their chance at self-identity, we can find a way to tackle that barrier in a way that works for everyone (just like we do with their other sensory issues). There are tools and strategies for making hair brushing easier (see my previous blog here), strategies to help with hair washing, and the other option…it’s okay to not have their hair look perfectly “tamed” all the time.
We can preserve their trust, autonomy, and find a happy medium when employing a little extra thought and time to help meet them where they are.
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